love is supposed to follow marriage not precede it

Americans believe in 'romantic' marriage - a boy and a girl are (21)____ to each other, fall in love, and decide to marry each other. Asians, on the other hand, believe in contractual marriage - the parents of the bride and the groom decide on the marriage; and love - if it ever develops - is supposed to follow(22) _____, not 1. Love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it. 2. A survey was made to determine their attitudes toward love and marriage. 3. They agree that it is unwise to confide in their wives. 4. An Indian woman has to sacrifice more in a marriage than a man. 5.A husband is obliged to tell his wife where he has been. Task 2: Answer the following questions. 1. Love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it. 2. A survey was made to determine their attitudes toward love and marT1age. 3. They agree that it is unwise to confide in their wives. 4. An Indian Woman has to sacrifice more in a marriage than a man. 5. A husband is obliged to tell his wife where he has been.Task 2. Answer the following Love is expected to follow marriage, not precede it. Love marriages are coming more frequent Love marriages: Americans grow up in a cultural context which encourages them to turn on their radar for love. hooking up is not physcial, hooking up is secret and you are not supposed to call or text the hook up partner. and condom protection Fighting to be sure love is not jealous and that there is no unhealthy jealousy in your marriage is a choice as simple as 1-2-3. Play and affirm. When competition comes up try to enjoy it with a playful spirit and find ways to affirm your spouse rather than giving in to the jealousy. Stay connected to other wives. Love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it. A. come before B. come after C. come late D. come later viejerlamig1982. Arranged marriages and love marriages are sometimes seen as cultural opposites, but it’s far more complicated. Anthropology shows how love and marriage are entwined in many different ways. ✽ Love and marriage aren’t the same thing Passionate love is a feeling, and marriage is a social contract. But over time and around the world, the two have been intertwined in fascinating ways—not always with romance coming first. The concept of partnering up in some kind of marriage-like arrangement is virtually universal in human societies. But the notion that romantic love should direct such partnerships has not been a constant. For much of human history, the family unit was likely organized around reproduction and social survival, which might not have always encouraged the cultivation of warm spousal affection—or monogamy. Ethnographic studies of some tribal societies have suggested that spouses were at some points in history considered effective strangers or even antagonistic enemies, united for the main purpose of procreation. In these groups, the sentiment of romantic love seemed to be seldom acknowledged or expected, at least in public. While the deep history of marriage is murky, sometime after the development of agriculture around 15,000 to 10,000 years ago in some regions, arranged marriages become the norm across organized state societies. Family members and matchmakers began to arrange who should partner with whom, with an eye on factors such as economics, social status, prestige, and carrying on the family line. The idea that marriage should be based in long-term companionship, or what we call a “forever love,” starts to turn up in books and writings much, much later Scholars have put it as early as the 13th or 14th century in England; the 18th or 19th century in Russia; and the 20th century in China. In each culture, the arrival of this idea of “forever love” seems to be matched with a push for children to choose their own marital partners in a love match. The result is that, in recent centuries, love and marriage have melded in new and complex ways. Our research, along with other anthropological studies, challenges the common impression that societies organized around arranged marriages are very different from those organized around passionate love. In most societies, sexual desire, loving attachment, and material interests are more deeply interwoven than is culturally acknowledged. ✽ Today the ideal of arranged marriage remains strong in India and much of the Middle East but has declined dramatically over recent centuries around the world, especially in more urbanized societies. Firm numbers are hard to come by, but today about 95 percent of marriages in India are reportedly arranged and about 6 percent in Japan. However, such statistics tend to gloss over a significant diversity of practices between cultures Arranged marriages are not always what they seem. Take, for example, a Dravidian Muslim community in Sri Lanka that was studied by anthropologist Victor De Munck. There, arranged marriage has long been the norm—but this does not mean that love matches don’t happen. In contemporary times, youth who have a similar social standing and an appropriate kin relationship can regularly meet, which provides the opportunity to develop feelings. More than three-quarters of the newlyweds De Munck interviewed in the late 1970s and early 1980s said that they loved their spouse before their marriage was formally arranged. This type of arrangement is hardly unique. Many other societies have adopted a similar solution to allowing their offspring to follow their hearts and choose their mate, while maintaining the desired patriarchal image of the family being in charge. Across South Asia, this love-turned-arranged marriage strategy seems to be gaining in popularity Love matches or elopements often secure public sympathy as a modern and ethical act. The immensely popular Bollywood films and love songs, for example, are beginning to blend the long-standing arranged-marriage discourse with love-centered discourses. A culture’s tolerance for personal choice within a customary arranged marriage practice varies—and is not always without danger. In India’s New Delhi, anthropologists Perveez Mody and Shalini Grover found in their research in the 2000s that love-turned-arranged marriages are increasingly idealized among youth there—and, officially, the Indian government’s policy and law is supportive of free choice marriage. But, especially in cases of pronounced differences in social class, caste, or religion, some couples face strong parental and community opposition, which sometimes results in kidnapping or violence, especially among the middle and upper classes. What is remarkable is that across arranged-marriage cultures, we see a fairly wide parental tolerance for an offspring’s love-based mate choice—provided it is converted into a public performance that acknowledges parental authority to decide who is best to marry. ✽ Another phenomenon that blurs the line between love matches and arranged marriages is the tendency to fall passionately in love after agreeing to marry. My Jankowiak’s research has shown this was dominant in 1980s urban China, for example. At that time, a so-called self-arranged marriage relied on friends, teachers, or colleagues to introduce someone, followed by a short courtship of three or four brief, unsupervised meetings. After this, the individuals either ceased to see each other or agreed to a rapid marriage. My interviews with about 50 people showed that during this exchange, individuals typically remained skeptical and detached as they coolly calculated the relative social worth each brought to a potential marriage. Once agreeing to marry, however, both parties typically underwent a sudden transformation that manifested in passionate exchanges, statements of joy, and shared fantasies about their future life with each other. So intense was this behavior that I could never determine who felt the deeper, overwhelming passionate love urban Chinese committed to an arranged marriage or teenage Americans pursuing a love match. I could never determine who felt the deeper passion urban Chinese committed to an arranged marriage or teenage Americans pursuing a love match. The anthropologist Mody saw a similar pattern among some youth in New Delhi The interviewed couples also began to fall in love after agreeing to an arranged marriage. Of course, couples matched up by parents or matchmakers may also fall deeply in love some time into their arranged marriage A shared life, with a similar background or interests, may foster feelings of passionate or affectionate love. The Makassar of Indonesia, as one example, idealize the notion of love arising after marriage. One comparison of arranged versus love matches in Indian American marriages found little difference between the two in terms of long-term feelings of love and marital satisfaction. Anthropologist Marcia Inhorn looked specifically at couples in Egypt and Lebanon, where arranged marriage is common. She found that many couples developed a strong mutual love—so strong that even those facing infertility whose religious beliefs and culture may encourage them to seek a divorce and have children with others often opted not to do so. ✽ Invoking romantic love as the basis for marriage does not eliminate the importance of material factors in making a happy match. While many youth are pushing away from traditional forms of arranged marriage in favor of love matches, the opposite is also true People pursuing love around the world are reaping the benefits of intermediaries who help make suitable matches in material terms. In South Korea, for example, where I Nelson have studied courtship, a prevalent way to meet a partner today is on a not-so-blind date arranged by a friend, co-worker, or relative. This might start with evaluating photos and asking about the prospective partner’s specs age, job, education, family background, et cetera before proceeding to a first date. Anthropological interviews show that these young people typically like the security of being introduced to a partner with similar credentials who has been pre-screened for suitability by a trusted source. The newest global matchmaker, of course, is the computer algorithm. South Korean matchmaking services such as Duo charge fees into the thousands of dollars to introduce members to potential partners who have compatible ethnic backgrounds, religion, and material assets. Around the world, the rising popularity of online dating can help people vet potential mates for important qualities—from appearance to wealth, education, personality, and hobbies—before meeting up to see if sparks fly. ✽ The lines between types of marriage, motivation for marriage, and feelings incorporated into marriage are blurry. Serious misunderstandings can arise when someone believes they have begun a marriage based on feelings of authentic love while the other person views the marriage as an economic-sexual exchange. Numerous researchers have commented upon the frequency of this kind of misunderstanding in transnational matches, where one party expresses an authentic, intense love while the other performs the acts of love to secure economic stability. One of the reasons for a parental-arranged marriage is to ensure individuals are suitably matched and to prevent the potentially short-term sway of sexual attraction from overwhelming considerations of compatibility. Self-arranged marriages are, arguably, just a different way of achieving the same thing—both arrangement types are often centered around finding someone with a similar socioeconomic background and priorities. Perhaps the indefinable “chemistry” often invoked as the basis for love matches is little more than a synergy experienced when interacting with someone with similar values, attitudes, tastes, and life goals. Whether love comes before marriage, or marriage before love, it is important to recognize that material considerations and compatibilities—across cultures of all kinds—often underlie people’s willingness to fall in love. Different kinds of marriage may not be so different after all. William Jankowiak is a professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and an internationally recognized authority on urban Chinese society, urban Mongols, Mormon fundamentalist polygyny, and love around the world. Jankowiak has authored over 123 academic and professional journal articles and three books, and he has edited or co-edited four volumes. His research has been featured in numerous media outlets, including The Economist, The New York Times, Time, ABC Primetime, NPR, the History Channel, TLC, BBC, and NBC. Alex Nelson is a sociocultural anthropologist who studies transformations in gender and intimacy in South Korea and the ethnology of romantic love. He received his from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and is an adjunct assistant professor at Appalachian State University in North Carolina. Nelson is also engaged in collaborative interdisciplinary research on commercial sexual economies, including the Erotic Entrepreneurs Project, a study of the business and safety strategies of erotic escorts in the and the Virtual Sexual Economies Project, a study of ethno-erotic economies and racial inequalities in the webcam modeling industry. Follow him on Twitter alexjnelson. Republish You may republish this article, either online and/or in print, under the Creative Commons CC BY-ND license. We ask that you follow these simple guidelines to comply with the requirements of the license. In short, you may not make edits beyond minor stylistic changes, and you must credit the author and note that the article was originally published on SAPIENS. Accompanying photos are not included in any republishing agreement; requests to republish photos must be made directly to the copyright holder. Love our work? Your support keeps SAPIENS accessible to all. RETHINK HUMAN Get our newsletter with new stories delivered to your inbox every Friday. Republish You may republish this article, either online and/or in print, under the Creative Commons CC BY-ND license. We ask that you follow these simple guidelines to comply with the requirements of the license. In short, you may not make edits beyond minor stylistic changes, and you must credit the author and note that the article was originally published on SAPIENS. Accompanying photos are not included in any republishing agreement; requests to republish photos must be made directly to the copyright holder. Love our work? Your support keeps SAPIENS accessible to all. RETHINK HUMAN Get our newsletter with new stories delivered to your inbox every Friday. Cập nhật ngày 25-04-2022Chia sẻ bởi Nguyễn Chí HảiLove in contractual marriage is supposed to follow marriage, not đề liên quanMark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the words OPPOSITE in meaning to the underlined words in each of the following got up late and rushed to the bus was _______ a hurry to go so he did not stop to greet you invite an American friend to have dinner in a restaurant a reservation is not necessary B you should make a reservationC there are always many tables available for you D you always have to wait for a long timeRead the passage and choose the correct you invite an American friend to join you to have dinner in a restaurant, phone the restaurant first to find out if you need a reservation to avoid a long wait for a table. To make a reservation, just give your name, the number of people in your group, and the time you plan to arrive. When you invite someone to dinner, you should be prepared to pay the bill and reach for it when it arrives. However, if your companion insists on paying his or her share, do not get into argument about it. Some people prefer to pay their own way so that they do not feel indebted, and those feelings should be respected. In most American restaurants, the waiter or waitress’s tip is not added to the bill. If the service was adequate, it is customary to leave a tip equal to about 15% of the bill. In expensive restaurants, leave a bit make a reservation, you just give your name, the time you arrive and how many persons there are in your groupB have to give your address, the time you arrive and how many persons there are in your groupC just give your name, the time you arrive and your addressD just give your name, the time you arrive and your telephone numberRead the passage and choose the correct you invite an American friend to join you to have dinner in a restaurant, phone the restaurant first to find out if you need a reservation to avoid a long wait for a table. To make a reservation, just give your name, the number of people in your group, and the time you plan to arrive. When you invite someone to dinner, you should be prepared to pay the bill and reach for it when it arrives. However, if your companion insists on paying his or her share, do not get into argument about it. Some people prefer to pay their own way so that they do not feel indebted, and those feelings should be respected. In most American restaurants, the waiter or waitress’s tip is not added to the bill. If the service was adequate, it is customary to leave a tip equal to about 15% of the bill. In expensive restaurants, leave a bit you invite someone to dinner, you should prepare to pay the billD share the bill with himRead the passage and choose the correct you invite an American friend to join you to have dinner in a restaurant, phone the restaurant first to find out if you need a reservation to avoid a long wait for a table. To make a reservation, just give your name, the number of people in your group, and the time you plan to arrive. When you invite someone to dinner, you should be prepared to pay the bill and reach for it when it arrives. However, if your companion insists on paying his or her share, do not get into argument about it. Some people prefer to pay their own way so that they do not feel indebted, and those feelings should be respected. In most American restaurants, the waiter or waitress’s tip is not added to the bill. If the service was adequate, it is customary to leave a tip equal to about 15% of the bill. In expensive restaurants, leave a bit your companion insists in paying his share, you should let him pay as he expects D you should get into argument with himRead the passage and choose the correct you invite an American friend to join you to have dinner in a restaurant, phone the restaurant first to find out if you need a reservation to avoid a long wait for a table. To make a reservation, just give your name, the number of people in your group, and the time you plan to arrive. When you invite someone to dinner, you should be prepared to pay the bill and reach for it when it arrives. However, if your companion insists on paying his or her share, do not get into argument about it. Some people prefer to pay their own way so that they do not feel indebted, and those feelings should be respected. In most American restaurants, the waiter or waitress’s tip is not added to the bill. If the service was adequate, it is customary to leave a tip equal to about 15% of the bill. In expensive restaurants, leave a bit most American restaurants, the tip is added to the bill B the tip is about 15% of the billC you should not give the tip to waiters or waitresses D waiters and waitresses never get the tipRead the passage carefully and choose the correct body language people use often communicates more about their feelings than the words they are saying. We use body movements, hand gestures, facial expressions, and changes in our voice to communicate with each other. Although some body language is universal, many gestures are culturally specific and may mean different things in different countries. If you want to give someone the nod in Bulgaria, you have to nod your head to say no and shake it to say yes – the exact opposite of what we do! In Belgium, pointing with your index finger or snapping your fingers at someone is very rude. In France, you shouldn’t rest your feet on tables or chairs. Speaking to someone with your hands in your pockets will only make matters worse. In the Middle East, you should never show the soles of your feet or shoes to others as it will be seen as a grave insult. When eating, only use your right hand because they use their left hands when going to the bathroom. In Bangladesh, the thumbs-up’ is a rude sign. In Myanmar, people greet each other by clapping, and in India, whistling in public is considered rude. In Japan, you should not blow your nose in public, but you can burp at the end of a meal to show that you have enjoyed it. The OK’ sign thumb and index finger forming a circle means everything is good’ in the West, but in China it means nothing or zero. In Japan, it means money, and in the Middle East, it is a rude gesture. It is mentioned in the passage that many gestures may mean different things in different countries B are not used to communicate our feelingsC can be used to greet each other in public D are used in greeting among men and womenRead the passage carefully and choose the correct body language people use often communicates more about their feelings than the words they are saying. We use body movements, hand gestures, facial expressions, and changes in our voice to communicate with each other. Although some body language is universal, many gestures are culturally specific and may mean different things in different countries. If you want to give someone the nod in Bulgaria, you have to nod your head to say no and shake it to say yes – the exact opposite of what we do! In Belgium, pointing with your index finger or snapping your fingers at someone is very rude. In France, you shouldn’t rest your feet on tables or chairs. Speaking to someone with your hands in your pockets will only make matters worse. In the Middle East, you should never show the soles of your feet or shoes to others as it will be seen as a grave insult. When eating, only use your right hand because they use their left hands when going to the bathroom. In Bangladesh, the thumbs-up’ is a rude sign. In Myanmar, people greet each other by clapping, and in India, whistling in public is considered rude. In Japan, you should not blow your nose in public, but you can burp at the end of a meal to show that you have enjoyed it. The OK’ sign thumb and index finger forming a circle means everything is good’ in the West, but in China it means nothing or zero. In Japan, it means money, and in the Middle East, it is a rude gesture. People nod their head to say no in the passage carefully and choose the correct body language people use often communicates more about their feelings than the words they are saying. We use body movements, hand gestures, facial expressions, and changes in our voice to communicate with each other. Although some body language is universal, many gestures are culturally specific and may mean different things in different countries. If you want to give someone the nod in Bulgaria, you have to nod your head to say no and shake it to say yes – the exact opposite of what we do! In Belgium, pointing with your index finger or snapping your fingers at someone is very rude. In France, you shouldn’t rest your feet on tables or chairs. Speaking to someone with your hands in your pockets will only make matters worse. In the Middle East, you should never show the soles of your feet or shoes to others as it will be seen as a grave insult. When eating, only use your right hand because they use their left hands when going to the bathroom. In Bangladesh, the thumbs-up’ is a rude sign. In Myanmar, people greet each other by clapping, and in India, whistling in public is considered rude. In Japan, you should not blow your nose in public, but you can burp at the end of a meal to show that you have enjoyed it. The OK’ sign thumb and index finger forming a circle means everything is good’ in the West, but in China it means nothing or zero. In Japan, it means money, and in the Middle East, it is a rude gesture. In the Middle East, people do not use their left hands for eating because they use their left when going to the bathroom B when preparing the mealC to put in their pockets D to clean their tables and chairsRead the passage carefully and choose the correct body language people use often communicates more about their feelings than the words they are saying. We use body movements, hand gestures, facial expressions, and changes in our voice to communicate with each other. Although some body language is universal, many gestures are culturally specific and may mean different things in different countries. If you want to give someone the nod in Bulgaria, you have to nod your head to say no and shake it to say yes – the exact opposite of what we do! In Belgium, pointing with your index finger or snapping your fingers at someone is very rude. In France, you shouldn’t rest your feet on tables or chairs. Speaking to someone with your hands in your pockets will only make matters worse. In the Middle East, you should never show the soles of your feet or shoes to others as it will be seen as a grave insult. When eating, only use your right hand because they use their left hands when going to the bathroom. In Bangladesh, the thumbs-up’ is a rude sign. In Myanmar, people greet each other by clapping, and in India, whistling in public is considered rude. In Japan, you should not blow your nose in public, but you can burp at the end of a meal to show that you have enjoyed it. The OK’ sign thumb and index finger forming a circle means everything is good’ in the West, but in China it means nothing or zero. In Japan, it means money, and in the Middle East, it is a rude gesture. Which of the following is NOT true according to the passage?A In France, people shouldn’t rest their feet on tables. B In Belgium, snapping your fingers at someone is very rude. C In China, the OK’ sign means money D In Myanmar, people greet each other by clappingRead the passage carefully and choose the correct body language people use often communicates more about their feelings than the words they are saying. We use body movements, hand gestures, facial expressions, and changes in our voice to communicate with each other. Although some body language is universal, many gestures are culturally specific and may mean different things in different countries. If you want to give someone the nod in Bulgaria, you have to nod your head to say no and shake it to say yes – the exact opposite of what we do! In Belgium, pointing with your index finger or snapping your fingers at someone is very rude. In France, you shouldn’t rest your feet on tables or chairs. Speaking to someone with your hands in your pockets will only make matters worse. In the Middle East, you should never show the soles of your feet or shoes to others as it will be seen as a grave insult. When eating, only use your right hand because they use their left hands when going to the bathroom. In Bangladesh, the thumbs-up’ is a rude sign. In Myanmar, people greet each other by clapping, and in India, whistling in public is considered rude. In Japan, you should not blow your nose in public, but you can burp at the end of a meal to show that you have enjoyed it. The OK’ sign thumb and index finger forming a circle means everything is good’ in the West, but in China it means nothing or zero. In Japan, it means money, and in the Middle East, it is a rude gesture. The word “others” in paragraph 3 refers to __________. Fill in each numbered blank with one suitable word or the world there are different _____36____ for people to greet each other. In much of the world, a handshake is the common form of welcoming and greeting someone. In many countries around the Mediterranean Sea a light kiss on the cheek is the appropriate way to welcome friends and family. It can be a very _____37____ surprise if you expect to shake hands and get a kiss or a hug times, it is difficult to tell what sort of greeting _____38____ is followed. People may bow, wave another’s arm or even slap the other person on the back. In some places people just smile, look at the other’s face and say people in the world are _____39____ of, visitors and don’t mind what travelers do that seems wrong as long as the visitors are sincere. A big part of the _____40____ of world travel is experiencing different customs.Question 36Fill in each numbered blank with one suitable word or the world there are different _____36____ for people to greet each other. In much of the world, a handshake is the common form of welcoming and greeting someone. In many countries around the Mediterranean Sea a light kiss on the cheek is the appropriate way to welcome friends and family. It can be a very _____37____ surprise if you expect to shake hands and get a kiss or a hug times, it is difficult to tell what sort of greeting _____38____ is followed. People may bow, wave another’s arm or even slap the other person on the back. In some places people just smile, look at the other’s face and say people in the world are _____39____ of, visitors and don’t mind what travelers do that seems wrong as long as the visitors are sincere. A big part of the _____40____ of world travel is experiencing different customs.Question 37Fill in each numbered blank with one suitable word or the world there are different _____36____ for people to greet each other. In much of the world, a handshake is the common form of welcoming and greeting someone. In many countries around the Mediterranean Sea a light kiss on the cheek is the appropriate way to welcome friends and family. It can be a very _____37____ surprise if you expect to shake hands and get a kiss or a hug times, it is difficult to tell what sort of greeting _____38____ is followed. People may bow, wave another’s arm or even slap the other person on the back. In some places people just smile, look at the other’s face and say people in the world are _____39____ of, visitors and don’t mind what travelers do that seems wrong as long as the visitors are sincere. A big part of the _____40____ of world travel is experiencing different customs.Question 38Fill in each numbered blank with one suitable word or the world there are different _____36____ for people to greet each other. In much of the world, a handshake is the common form of welcoming and greeting someone. In many countries around the Mediterranean Sea a light kiss on the cheek is the appropriate way to welcome friends and family. It can be a very _____37____ surprise if you expect to shake hands and get a kiss or a hug times, it is difficult to tell what sort of greeting _____38____ is followed. People may bow, wave another’s arm or even slap the other person on the back. In some places people just smile, look at the other’s face and say people in the world are _____39____ of, visitors and don’t mind what travelers do that seems wrong as long as the visitors are sincere. A big part of the _____40____ of world travel is experiencing different customs.Question 39Fill in each numbered blank with one suitable word or the world there are different _____36____ for people to greet each other. In much of the world, a handshake is the common form of welcoming and greeting someone. In many countries around the Mediterranean Sea a light kiss on the cheek is the appropriate way to welcome friends and family. It can be a very _____37____ surprise if you expect to shake hands and get a kiss or a hug times, it is difficult to tell what sort of greeting _____38____ is followed. People may bow, wave another’s arm or even slap the other person on the back. In some places people just smile, look at the other’s face and say people in the world are _____39____ of, visitors and don’t mind what travelers do that seems wrong as long as the visitors are sincere. A big part of the _____40____ of world travel is experiencing different customs.Question 40Choose the word which is stressed differently from the the word which is stressed differently from the didn't think his comments were very appropriate at the time. "We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise." —Raquel Welch The notion that "love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage" is still widespread, but the arguments against it are gaining strength. Addressing such arguments requires clarifying what we mean by profound love. The Recent Connection Between Love and Marriage "The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn't marry me." —Robert Brault Source Shutterstock The prevailing ideal that passionate love is essential in marriage is actually recently new. In her book on the history of marriage, Stephanie Coontz 2005 shows that this ideal became prevalent only about two centuries ago "People have always fallen in love, and throughout the ages, many couples have loved each other deeply. But only rarely in history has love been seen as the main reason for getting married.” Coontz further argues that "in many cultures, love has been seen as a desirable outcome of marriage but not as a good reason for getting married in the first place." Similarly, Pascal Bruckner 2013 argues that in the past, marriage was sacred, and love, if it existed at all, was a kind of bonus. Now that love has come to be seen as essential in marriage, love is perceived as sacred, and marriage as secondary. Accordingly, the number of marriages has been declining, while divorces, unmarried partners, and single-parent families are increasing. Bruckner notes that love has triumphed over marriage, but now may be destroying it from within. Considering passionate romantic love as essential in marriage has upgraded the value of marriage, making it a top priority in our lives. It has also, however, made marriages more volatile and uncertain. The issue of whether to leave a marriage in which love is not passionate becomes alarmingly central for many couples, and romantic compromises become a major concern. Objections to the Connection "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late." —Max Kauffman There are two major types of objections to considering love as the essence of marriage 1. Marriage is a framework of living that includes other important factors besides love. 2. Passionate love is a relatively short-term experience in our lives, and so the long-term aspects of love are of greater importance. The first set of objections indicates that marriage is a social framework that exists within certain socioeconomic circumstances—and that the well-being of the couple requires this fact to be taken into account. The second set of objections suggests that passionate love is unstable, exciting, and brief—and that this is contrary to the stable, routine, and long-term nature of marriage. The combination of these objections leads to the claim that considering love as the essence of marriage is bound to lead to disappointments and romantic compromises. It is obvious that as a framework of living, there is more to marriage or to other types of committed relationships than just love. Getting married should take into account additional aspects—for example, whether a partner is likely to be a good provider and a good parent. Indeed, throughout history, marriage has been regarded as a kind of "deal" that should improve, or at least not harm, either person's status or economic wealth. For this reason, despite a variety of stories on the Cinderella theme, marrying "below oneself" has typically been infrequent. Marrying for love may make a person blind to these additional aspects—there's a saying that, "He who marries for love has good nights and bad days." Coontz notes that the Enlightenment gave rise to the view that "love developed slowly, out of admiration, respect, and appreciation of someone's good character." Making Marriage Work Find a marriage therapist near me Socioeconomic considerations are related to all kinds of external circumstances that carry weight in the decision to get married. In our society, it appears that the value of such considerations is decreasing while that of love is increasing. The importance of love for both the establishment and the maintenance of marriage is greatest in Western and Westernized nations, which tend to have higher economic standards of living, higher marriage and divorce rates, and lower fertility rates Berscheid, 2010. In light of the general improvement in living conditions in modern society, it's understandable that the value of socioeconomic advantages is given less weight than that of love. However, these advantages have not disappeared—they have become part of the factors that increase love. It is easier for many to fall in love with people who have a higher socioeconomic status; to them, these people appear to be more desirable and therefore sexually attractive. Although the socioeconomic considerations for marriage may be losing ground as more people are able to maintain and even improve their socioeconomic situation without them, external circumstances still influence the decision to form any committed relationship, including marriage. I believe that all of the above objections can be met once we distinguish between intense and profound love. Establishing the Connection "There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly "taken-for-granted" relationship." —Iris Murdoch Establishing the connection between love and marriage requires the distinction between the acute emotion of intense passionate love and the enduring emotion of profound love. The enduring emotion does not merely consist of experiencing a given acute emotion repeatedly—it also shapes our attitudes and behavior in a permanent way. A flash of intense sexual desire might last for a very short time, but profound love resonates constantly, coloring our moods, our demeanor, and the way we relate to time and space. Romantic intensity expresses the momentary value of acute emotions. Romantic profundity embodies frequent acute occurrences of intense love over long periods of time, along with a life experience that resonates in all dimensions, helping the individuals flourish and thrive. Romantic profundity involves shared activities which fulfill essential needs that foster a couple's long-term flourishing. The profundity of a romantic experience is different from how intensely it is felt. A short sexual desire may be more intense than a longer experience of romantic love, but it is less profound Ben-Ze'ev, 2019. The above objections to considering love as the essence of marriage are valid concerning the acute emotion of intense, passionate love—but not concerning enduring profound love. In a Psychology Today post on why marrying for love is not wise, Susan Pease Gadoua suggested three reasons 1. Love is a changeable emotion. 2. Love does not make for a strong enough foundation. 3. Love is far from “all you need.” I believe that the notion of profound love can persuasively meet these objections. 1. Intense passionate love is indeed a short-term emotion, depending to a great extent on changeable circumstances—but enduring profound love can last for many years. 2. It is true that intense, passionate love, limited in scope, does not provide a strong enough foundation for living together for many years; however, profound love, based upon a profound compatibility between two lovers, enables them to share many activities together and to promote their flourishing. 3. Intense passionate love is indeed far from "all you need," but profound love nurtures each lover's flourishing as well as their common flourishing. In this sense, it enables the two to fulfill other needs as well. In this context, Augustine's claim—"Love, and do what you will"—is quite proper. In profound love, all activities will naturally nurture the lovers' flourishing. Marrying a person on the basis of merely intense passionate love while ignoring, say, the person's low intelligence or lack of kindness may be considered in the short run as a very romantic decision. However, when long-term considerations of profundity are taken into account, the decision will typically prove to be a romantic disaster, involving misery and the feeling of having made a romantic compromise. Love should have a central place in our life and our decision to marry or enter into other types of committed relationships. However, long-term happiness and meaningfulness cannot be based upon intense passion alone, but should involve profound love, which includes shared activities and profound care and reciprocity, as well as at least a moderate level of intensity. As Mignon McLaughlin put it "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." Đang tải.... xem toàn văn Thông tin tài liệu Ngày đăng 21/10/2014, 0600 UNIT TWO WORK IN PAIRS. DISCUSS THE QUESTION • Love • A nice house/ flat • Money • A good job • Parents’ approval • Good health Which of the following factors is the most important for a happy life ? why ? - romantic [rou'mæntik] a - attract v/ attractiveness n - contractual [kən'træktjuəl] adj - On the other hand - survey ['səvei] n - conduct ['kɔndʌkt] v - confide [kən'faid] v in sb - A large number of - significantly [sig'nifikəntli] adv - romanticism [rou'mæntisizəm] n - response [ri'spɔns] n - Be supposed to do sth v Lãng mạn Thu hút; sự thu hút Khế ước Trái lại Sự khảo sát Tiến hành, chỉ đạo Tin ai, giãi bài tâm sự với ai Many Importantly Sự lãng mạn Answer Có nhiệm vụ 1. Vocabulary 2. Task 1 Explain the meaning of the italicized words / phrases in the following sentences 1. Love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it 2. A survey was made to determine their attitudes toward love and marriage 3. They agree that it is unwise to confide in their wives 4. An Indian woman has to sacrifice more in a marriage than a man 5. A husband is obliged to tell his wife where he has been Choose their meaning a. Having a duty e. happen or exist before b. Trust c. Willing to stop having something you want d. Find out Answer keys 1. precede happen or exist before 2. determine find out 3. confide trust 4. sacrifice willing to stop having something you want 5. obliged having a duty - They are Trust built on love, Physical attractiveness, Confiding, and Partnership of equals - The Americans are much more concerned than the Indians and Chineses - They agree that “a woman has to sacrifice more in a marriage than a man” - Young Asians are not as romantic as their American counterparts 3. Task 2 Answer the following questions 1. What are the four key values in the survey? 2. Who are much more concerned with physical attractiveness when choosing a wife or a husband , the young Americans or the young Asians? 3. What are the Indian students’ attitudes on a partnership of equals? 4. Why does the American wife trust her husband to do the right things? - Because he loves her not because he has to 5. What is the main finding of the survey? 4. Task 3 Discuss the question what are the differences between a traditional Vietnamese family and a modern Vietnamese family? Ideas A traditional Family A modern Family 1. Number of children? 2. The kind of the family? 3. The head of the family? 4. Who works? 5. Who takes care of the house and children? 6. The income? A lot of One or two Extented Nuclear Fathers Both parents . nhiệm vụ 1. Vocabulary 2. Task 1 Explain the meaning of the italicized words / phrases in the following sentences 1. Love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it 2. A survey was made to. not as romantic as their American counterparts 3. Task 2 Answer the following questions 1. What are the four key values in the survey? 2. Who are much more concerned with physical attractiveness. to stop having something you want d. Find out Answer keys 1. precede happen or exist before 2. determine find out 3. confide trust 4. sacrifice willing to stop having something you want - Xem thêm -Xem thêm Unit 2 Reading12 Chuan, Unit 2 Reading12 Chuan,

love is supposed to follow marriage not precede it